• CJ

Living Life Single - 4 Things I have learned About Myself Since I Started Living Life Single

Updated: Aug 17, 2020

Photo: Felicia T. Simpson

It has been two years that I have been living life as a single woman. After 22 years of being a part of a couple there were many things I had to learn about myself. It was a strange and sometimes scary time. I had to learn to do things that for 22 years I never concerned myself with. During COVID and all of the time in quarantine, I had an opportunity to just reflect on my new lifestyle. Being in quarantine made me realize that sometimes it can become lonely when you live alone. I mean when life is normal I am ripping and running and who has the time to be lonely. But when you are stuck in the house and the whole world is on lock down you tend to look at things differently.

One of the things that I do yearly is re-read my old journals. They go way back and I use the opportunity to re-read and to see just how far I have come, or if I am in the same head space. If I have made improvements or if I need to make some improvements.

Well, in reading about the time when my life changed from a couple to a single this is what I learned:

I can do more than I thought I could. Being part of a couple there were things that I never concerned myself with. My husband handled those things. Big or little, if I considered it too much for me, I would tell him and let him figure it out. If my car made a strange sound, or the washing machine wasn't working right, or there was water coming in under the door,, if the cable was acting dumb,I would just tell him. and like magic those things would be taken care of.

Well my first lesson, the first thing that shook me was when I tried to wash at my new place. I had put the clothes in the machine, the washing powder in when I realize that I did not know how to start the darn thing. Before, I would have just called out to my husband, but now I was staring at the machine like it was something from out of space. I pushed buttons, nothing, I twisted knobs, nothing. Finally I broke down in tears. Not a good start right? I mean come on, I couldn't even work the washing machine? Once I calmed down, said a few prayers and gave it another try, it was really quite simple. Over the last two years I have had quite a few of those incidents with having to do things that I thought I couldn't do on my own. (Will probably share in other blog posts)

I depend on my family and friends more. Now that I am minus 1, I depend on the people in my life more. One of the scary parts of being single to me was coming home late at night. I am out sometimes for my job at late meetings or events. I used to let my husband know when I was leaving and when I should be arriving home. Not having that safety net was a concern to me. Now my sister is the one on call. I let her know when I am leaving an event and sometimes we talk on the phone until I make it home or I will call her when I get home.

When you live alone there is no one there to take care of you when you don't feel well. One day I was not feeling well. I don't know about you, but I have a vivid imagination and sometimes I can imagine the worst. I called my sister and told her that I was not feeling well and was taking medicine and going to sleep. I told her to call to check on me in two hours. Well not only did she call to check up on me, but my other sister and also my mom.

My son hears from me more now. It used to be opposite. It is a family joke that when he would call me starting the call with "Mama..." there was going to be a question on the end of that sentence with how to do something or what something meant, or how did I feel about something. Now it is me on the line with "Hey Son..." and I am asking him his advice on how to do something. Usually it is something involving my car or something around the house.

I have a friend who is very handy. I mean the girl can figure out stuff. When I moved in, she came over to be with me when the cable man came, When my dust buster was not picking up, I brought it to her to check it out. These are just a few of the things that my family and friends have stepped in to fill the void in my life.

I don't have time for foolish dating games. I have been off the dating market for a long time. And I tell you, boy have things changed. How are you asking me for a date in my inbox and since when is a first date coming over to your house? To do what? I don't know you like that.

I am okay spending holidays alone. My first Thanksgiving alone was actually kind of nice. I wrote about it in my my blog. I cooked a meal for me. I set a time for dinner. I put on clothes and makeup and I really enjoyed my solo time. My first Valentine's Day alone was also okay. I worked that day, but I stopped and bought myself flowers and candy. I brought home food from one of my favorite restaurants and had wine. I even changed from my work clothes and put on red lipstick. I ain't playing with y'all. I don't have a problem celebrating me.

I spend more time praying and meditating. My faith has played a big part in navigating through this new lifestyle.

Photo: Felicia T. Simpson

All in all these last two years have been eye opening. I have learned that I am stronger than I thought I was, I can do more than I thought I could and I am excited about the future. Being alone does not always equal lonely.

Stay tuned from more living life single posts. Join me in the Living Life Single Facebook Group

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